Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
For the past month, the last line of Mary Oliver’s poem, “The Summer Day” has taken up residence in my mind. She wrote: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Exploring this question is a good practice for today and for the whole of Lent. Lent can get overly focused on our past, the life we have already lived. But what if Lent is really about the life yet to be lived? What if we gave as much attention to where we are going as we do to where we have been?
What does it mean to live our one wild and precious life? What are the things that domesticate and devalue our life? How do we recognize and recover what is of ultimate value and importance? Maybe our greatest sins are the ones in which we tame and impoverish our lives and the lives of others.
When I describe life as wild, I’m talking about being open to what we can neither control nor predict, being able to receive whatever comes to us. I’m talking about not letting the past define or domesticate us, not letting the present moment cage us but rather exposing ourselves to the risk of an unknown future, the possibility of something new. We often let fear, self-doubt, guilt, regrets, disappointments, or wounds confine and tame our life. Every time we try to control life, guarantee outcomes, or live within the boundaries of what is safe and predictable, we limit our life. We live less than who we are and want to be. Consider what you need to do or give up, to reclaim your wild life? What cages imprison you?
What makes our life precious is not what we have, or how much we have. It’s not dependent on how others see us. The preciousness of life is found in its fragility and mortality. Life is short and uncertain, and we only have one. There are no guarantees. The future is unforeseeable. Rather than this negating the value and beauty of life; it intensifies it. Everything and everyone matters. Nothing and no one are to be taken for granted. Not a minute is to be wasted. This intensification of life gets revealed in the things we are most passionate about; in the people we love, in the things that give us meaning, offer us hope, and give us courage. The preciousness of life underlies the truth that we are of infinite value. Maybe this Lent we wrestle with how to divest ourselves of everything that diminishes our value and keeps us from remembering and reclaiming our treasures.
“Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
Those words are not a threat of death or a judgment that we are bad or worthless. To hear those words and remember our mortality is the first step in healing the ways our lives become distorted. Whether it’s fear, arrogance, pride, delusion, denial, or pain, we forget that we are dust. Having forgotten our own mortality, we have no need for the immortality of God, offered us through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. When we forget our mortality, our human nature, we begin practicing our piety, before others; hoping to be seen and praised. We trade the secret rewards of the Father for the public opinions of others. The question behind today’s ashes is not whether we will die, but how we want to live from this day forward.
We live in the tension between the uncertainty of life and the certainty of death. The reminders of our mortality and the fragility of life all are around us. We work hard at denying, ignoring, and forgetting those twin realities. We’re reminded of it by aging and illness. Accidents, mass shootings, wars, hurricanes, and floods remind us of how easily and quickly life can change. Our own cemetery and columbarium stand as monuments to our mortality.
Our lives and treasures exist in the midst of the uncertainty of life and the certainty of death. As much as we might want to escape those two realities, we cannot. We mark ourselves with the ashes of mortality not to make us cynical and hopeless, but to return us to our self and proclaim that everything matters, freeing us to live a different way, so that we can remember and reclaim our treasures, the things in our lives that are of ultimate importance and value.
It’s easy to forget our treasures, to take them for granted, or just set them aside, making us forgetful of what really matters. As we reclaim them we’re more whole, not just for ourselves but so we can offer our treasure back to God and others. They are the treasures that “neither moth nor rust consumes” and “thieves do not break in and steal.” For where our treasure is, there will our heart be also. (Matt. 6:21). +Amen.
Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
Memory, as we all know, is capricious and unreliable. We remember only in part—usually the part that most affected us emotionally—and our minds fill in the details of the past in ways that often confirm whatever biases we already have firmly in place. And often, we remember what we wish—or fear—were true.
We might call this phenomenon denial. As the saying goes, it ain’t just a river in Egypt. Nor is a bad thing, really. Denial is a gift that allows us to set aside painful truths, memories, or events that we are not strong enough to look in the eyes just yet.
Then, of course, there are all the truths we know intellectually but that have still not sunk down into our hearts. Like the truth of our mortality or of our need for God’s goodness and grace or of the overflowing abundance of God’s love for us. These are some of the truths this season asks us to recall in order that we might return to God and live. I’m sure there are other truths yet more personal that await our invitation to plant themselves in the soil of our hearts.
In the last year, I have had the privilege of accompanying someone through a rare and usually terminal cancer. For months, she was sharply aware of her mortality, and it seemed likely that she would die this year. Having had surgery, she now has a good prognosis, but she can’t unsee the possibility of her death. I recently said to her, “You have looked death in the face, and now you know it is not a question if you are going to die; it’s a question of when you are going to die. And that has to change how you live the rest of your life, whether it is one more day or twenty more years. Your denial of death is over, and that has changed everything.”
The truth is perhaps a bit subtler and more complex for most of us. We all accommodate ourselves to the daily getting on with things. We adapt, survive, and learn to forget the pain, or at least to live with it more or less companionably. Our own collective forgetting is largely responsible for the political, ecological, epidemiological, and economic disasters that have been piling on for the last several years. But today, and this season, call on us to remember.
The remembrance to which we are called is a full body and full-hearted experience. This remembrance is not the reading of pious books that fill our minds with nice ideas about God. It isn’t fasting from chocolate so we can fit into our skinny jeans again. Remembrance of the kind that Lent invites us into is the drawing together of all the shards of ourselves, all the fragments we have flung into the corners of our lives so that we can come to greater wholeness and integrity in God. So that, in that beautiful image from Jeremiah, our hearts can turn from stone to flesh.
This process can be a painful one, but it isn’t one we have to go through alone. Several years ago, I was in a process of deeper healing in my relationship with my father. We’d come a long way, but there were some painful memories that just wouldn’t let go. One morning, as I was praying, without knowing where the question came from, I asked God to show me what had happened. I saw the scene unfolding in front of me. Only this time, I was watching events unfold from God’s perspective, and I felt God’s love so powerfully, both for myself and for my father. A part of that love was the tearing of God’s heart, and the pain of silent, loving witness. God didn’t intervene. God didn’t stop me or my father from being hurt. God stood there, loving us both beyond loving, witnessing to the totality of that moment, which was so much more than the events taking place.
That moment of prayer was powerfully healing. God remembered me, and my father, and every detail of that moment. God held us all together, all the broken, sharp-edged parts of us. God fitted together the fragments and made whole what once had been broken.
Perhaps this Lent, we’re called to learn to witness as God witnesses. Witnessing requires patience. It requires attention. It requires us to stand there, feeling powerless, allowing our hearts to break open at the pain or the beauty of another’s life—or our own—so that we can learn to love as God loves.
We all know there is more than enough to witness these days: the shattering of world order, the atrocity of war in Ukraine, the unmooring of our lives in the recent pandemic, and surrounding it all the continued and accelerating collapse of the climate, all in addition to whatever smaller but no less important moments fill our daily lives. In this witnessing is a kind of martyrdom—a laying down of our lives as a testimony to the power of God’s love and God’s life to make all things whole and new again in Christ.
If it is true, as I told my friend with cancer, that having looked into the face of death, we can no longer live in denial of our mortality, it is also true that having known life, we can no longer fully deny its reality. Christ died once, for all. And each of us in this room has heard, in our various ways, Christ’s calling in our hearts, drawing us on to seek the life that really is life. We have all responded, however imperfectly, to that call, or we wouldn’t be here today. Just as we cannot fully ignore the reality of death, however much we try, we cannot fully ignore or forget the reality of Christ’s resurrection. Today we are called most especially to remember our redemption in Christ.
As the burial rite hovers in the background of today’s liturgy, so, too, does the baptismal rite buoy us from below. The mark of the ashes on our foreheads sits on the same spot where, however many years ago, we were sealed with chrism and the Holy Spirit and marked as Christ’s own forever. Buried with Christ in his death, so that we might be raised with him in his resurrection.
We needn’t fear the darkness of the Day of the Lord of which the prophet Joel reminds us. For while it is the darkness of the tomb, it is at the same time, the darkness of the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters at the Creation, and it is the blinding light of Christ’s coming in glory.
And so, even at the grave—and yes, even in Lent—we make our song.