Showing posts with label Year B. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Year B. Show all posts

Sunday, November 17, 2024

The Twenty-sixth Sunday after Pentecost B - November 17, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Francis Beckham
The Twenty-sixth Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 28, November 17, 2024
 

 Click here for an audio of the sermon

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O God, my sustainer and my comforter. Amen.

Yesterday, I returned to Holy Cross Monastery from five days of retreat in a little hermitage. This self-contained monastery-for-one, thoughtfully equipped with a small kitchen, table, chair, bed, bath, and deck, had everything a hermit (even a temporary one) could possibly need, and – thankfully – not a bit more. Perched on a Pennsylvania hillside, its large windows opened onto a densely wooded valley that, though now mostly devoid of leaves, was nevertheless alive – brimming, even – with deer, foxes, squirrels, and hundreds of birds of all kinds.

I spent hours sitting in the corner window nook, coffee mug in hand, surrounded by the sights and songs of these birds as they fluttered from branch to branch and tree to tree. Every now and then, the cardinals especially would alight onto the little deck, where they’d drop whatever bit of food they’d found and quickly gobble it up. I suppose the deck provided a momentary bit of solitude where they could eat in peace, without having to balance on a branch or fend off other hungry diners.

These birds became my unexpected retreat companions. In fact, in a very real sense, they became my retreat directors. They were fully aware of – if completely unphased by – my presence (after all, they couldn’t possibly have been oblivious to my awkward attempts at conversation from the deck). But whatever they may have lacked in interspecies communications skills, they more than compensated through their steady example of mindfulness and presence – an example I’ve been sorely in need of lately.  

Unconcerned about anything aside from the present moment, they simply, yet perfectly, existed as birds, with no thought – and certainly no worry – for either yesterday or tomorrow. I couldn’t help recalling these words of Jesus from the Gospel of Matthew: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry … Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them … Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?”

These are beautifully reassuring words, but, as we know, they’re not taken from the Gospel reading assigned for today. Instead, the lectionary has given us a noticeably more somber – some might even say apocryphal – reading selection, particularly in the Book of Daniel and in the Gospel of Mark. These are not very comfortable readings. They are, in many ways, quite dire. They abound with warnings of trouble ahead.

It’s fitting reading for this last regular Sunday after Pentecost. I say ‘regular’ because next Sunday – the Feast of Christ the King – is the last actual Sunday after Pentecost, the official crowning of Ordinary Time. But for this week at least we’re still basically in familiar Pentecostal territory, with green vestments and a focus on living into the Reign of God. But unlike most of the previous twenty-six Sundays, whose themes have mainly been the day-to-day teachings and ministry of Jesus, this Sunday’s readings are more of a frantic, last-minute check to make sure we really understand what we’re signing up for.

Probably it was just projection brought on by a case of hermitage-brain, but in reflecting on the Gospel reading I was struck particularly by what I perceived to be Jesus’ markedly troubled mood. (One becomes very aware of moods during extended periods of solitude.) He doesn’t quite seem himself today. His responses to the disciples’ observations about the Temple buildings and their questions about the complex’s impending destruction strike me as a bit distracted. He’s not completely present to the moment. He seems a bit “in his head” and fixated on what’s to come rather than on what’s happening right now.

That’s relatable, don’t you think? For any number of personal and societal reasons, we’re all living lives increasingly marked by anxiety and distraction, weighed down by our pasts and worried about our futures. As a result, there no longer seems to be much of a present. And that’s a big problem, because of the three tenses – past, present, and future – the present is the only place that can truly be said to exist (in the usual human experience of time, anyway) and, therefore, it's the only place where we can truly live our lives.

Of course, unlike Matthew’s birds of the air – or even the birds of the hermitage – we humans do have to occasionally reflect on the past and plan for the future. Otherwise, how can we possibly hope to learn the lessons of our experiences or make provision for legitimate needs that require planning? It’s in a space similar to this where I think we find Jesus today. He and the disciples have just exited the Temple, where he’s pointed out the hypocrisy of the of the powerful and shown them what true generosity looks like through the parable of the poor widow’s contribution. And now, back outside in the light of day, he ponders how best to make the disciples see that these lessons are about to have very real implications for them. Especially since, at this point in Mark’s gospel, his time with them is running short.

“Aren’t the buildings impressive!” the disciples say. “Hmm? Oh, yes, they are,” responds Jesus. “But they won’t be here forever. In fact, there isn’t a single stone of them that isn’t going to be thrown down.” This surely wasn’t a response the disciples were expecting. I can imagine Peter, James, John, and Andrew exchanging questioning glances as Jesus walks on, up to the Mount of Olives. When they arrive, they ask him about what he said back at the Temple. But rather than explaining, “Oh, well, you see, in another forty years or so, the Romans are going to tear the place down,” he begins pouring out what I sense has been weighing heavily on his mind – and heart – for a while now.

“Look,” he says, “you all have to be careful! There are going to be people who will try to deceive you, they’re even going to tell you that I sent them, or that they’re actually me! People are actually going to believe them and be led astray. Don’t let them trick you! And bad things are certain to happen – wars, national crises, political unrest, earthquakes, even famines. But whatever you do, remember what I’ve told you. These kinds of things are inevitable, but they’re going to lead to the future God has promised!”

The sections immediately following this passage, but not included in today’s Gospel reading, sound even less encouraging, including “The Coming Persecution,” and “The Great Tribulation.” We can only imagine the disciples’ reactions to all these things. But Jesus has to tell them what to expect. He’s concerned about his friends and doesn’t want them caught off-guard and unprepared. Continuing his ministry after he’s gone in spite of the dangers surrounding them is going to come at a cost. Defying the prevailing culture by refusing to collaborate with systems of oppression; insisting on speaking out against injustice; demanding mercy be shown to the foreigner and the marginalized; resisting violence and threats of violence for boldly proclaiming God’s love for everyone, especially the people who are targeted and vilified by those claiming to be acting in Christ’s name; and, perhaps most of all, calling-out the complacency, indifference, and hypocrisy of those benefiting from such blasphemy, is going to get them into trouble. Jesus is clear this is not a hypothetical. The disciples – and each of us – must be ready to proclaim the Gospel and bear the costs, the “birth pangs.” Like it or not, it’s our only way of reaching the future God has in store for us.

But to be clear, the warnings of doom and gloom – as essential as they are – aren’t themselves the point. The actual point is the same one that’s been prophesized, promised, and longed-for since the beginning: namely, the ultimate reunion of all creation with its Creator, the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.

Daniel tells us about it first: After speaking of a time of “great anguish, such as has never occurred since nations first came into existence,” he declares that “Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.” Then, in the Letter to the Hebrews, we hear about the fruits already borne to us through the suffering endured by Jesus, namely confidence, hearts full of true faith, and – above all – hope.

With these assurances in mind, we can take the warnings of trouble for what they really are: way-markers on the road to everlasting life. While not always easy to endure, they are for us a sure sign that we’re living into the Way of Jesus, who has not only endured these same worries and sufferings, but who continues to be with us in own our trials as well. This promise is written in our hearts and in the beauty of God’s world all around us, including in the birds of the air, and in each other.

Grounded in the gift of the present moment, and letting tomorrow’s worries take care of themselves, may we walk confidently with one another into the future where God is already waiting for us, and may peace and all that is good be with us, and all whom we love, today and always. Amen.


Sunday, November 10, 2024

The Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost B - November 10, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Ephrem Arcement
The Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 27 B

1 Kings 17:8-16
Hebrews 9:24-28
Mark 12:38-44

 Click here for an audio of the sermon

          Life is full of contrasts.  The young and the old.  The rich and the poor.  The good and the bad.  The wise and the. . . not so wise.  Contrasts of color.  Contrasts of opinion.  Contrasts of personalities.  Contrasts of beliefs.  Some see these latter contrasts as life-enhancing, others as life-threatening.  Some live lives that make space for “the other,” while some live lives that dismiss, ignore, or exclude “the other.”  The tension that exists between “us and them” has existed from the dawn of time and is one of the persistent themes in both our secular and sacred writings since antiquity.  But there is one thematic contrast in our own Judeo-Christian Scriptures that may stand above all others, which unifies to whole sacred story from cover to cover.  It’s the contrast between power and weakness, between the callous heart of pride and the wide-open heart of humility.

          In the Gospel of Mark, we are in one instance presented with the self-assured scribe decked in his fine regalia basking in his notoriety and position of authority and honor.  In the other instance we are presented with a poor, defenseless widow with zero self-regard.  One is a taker, the other a giver.  One is preoccupied with a façade, the other with compassion.  One professes faith, the other lives it.

          This meta-contrast of power vs. weakness goes to the heart of the human story—and even beyond to the story of creation itself.  If the evolutionary journey of creation is one of “survival of the fittest,” embedded within our DNA is the ego drive to survive at whatever cost, even if it is at the cost of another part of God’s good creation.  Left unchecked, the ego mounts upon whatever chariot is available to conquer and to control and to dominate—all to secure the propagation of itself into the future.  It lives for immortality and can become consumed with fame, fortune, and the fantasies of its own grandiose imaginings.  The unchecked ego, then, becomes isolated, cut-off from the rest of creation exhausting itself by trying to live on its own terms, in its own fabricated reality.  And at the foundation of its bloated pride is no foundation at all.  There is nothing there but a small, insecure, frightened child masked in a sometimes presentable, often times threatening, persona expending its energy on justifying itself, on defending itself, and on asserting itself.  

          The dangers such a person or group of people that nurtures such egocentrism are obvious enough.  We see it in our civil discourse.  We see it in our politics.  If we are not vigilant, we can even see it in our religious communities.  And, alas, we see it in ourselves.  If only we all saw it in ourselves!  But we don’t, probably because it’s just too painful and uncomfortable.  And maybe the greatest danger facing us Americans at this critical time in our history is the validation, even celebration, of ego-inflation and the denigration of humility and weakness.

          It is prophetic, then, that in light of today’s current events the church in her liturgy holds up before us the dignity and honor of a poor widow.  In the world of biblical patriarchy, a woman who has lost her husband was among the most vulnerable of society.  Without a source of income, without civil recourse, without personal autonomy.  This is why the inspired authors demand particular care for widows.  They are to be provided food and shelter and even a husband, if possible.  And those who neglect and mistreat widows come under the strictest judgment.  Particularly in the prophets, the care of widows is the barometer for determining the health of the nation.  

          This all explains Jesus’ righteous indignation at the scribes who are devouring widows’ houses.  Notice the connection Jesus makes between the abuse of widows and the pomp that preoccupies the scribes.  For Jesus, they are intricately linked together in one unhealthy, unholy alliance.  The scribes religiously exploit the poor widow taking all that she had to, in effect, beautify themselves, of course, all “for the sake of the temple.”  And Jesus will not let such religious hypocrisy go by uncontested.  And so he calls them out on it.  

          The temple which the scribes were supposedly so concerned about was the place where Israel’s God dwelled on earth and the place where Israel could go to dwell with her God in prayer and find refuge and renewal.  Yet, time and again, the temple was exploited for personal aggrandizement and its purposes obscured and manipulated…and its God along with it.  Jesus, in full prophetic mode, subverts the scribes’ destructive egos by revealing where true power lies, right there in the selfless choice of a poor widow who had the ability to give all that she had, her two copper coins, to God.  There is the true manifestation of the presence of God. 

There is the true temple.

          Of course, there is more to the story.  And we hear it in today’s passage from Hebrews.  The poor widow’s gift of all that she had prefigures Christ himself who, as a priest, does not offer something outside himself, like the blood of bulls or goats, but sacrifices his own self.  The Scriptures say that he did this “to remove sin.”  Or, you could say, he did this to deal with the unchecked ego and its abuse of power.  This, then, is the good news for us today: that when God, the all-powerful, omnipotent Creator of all that is, chose to bear the divine heart to the world, it was done through one who, like a poor widow, walked the path of vulnerable humility and weakness, defenseless in the face of civil and religious power structures yet completely free from the egocentric entropy that those power structures create.  And by offering himself in total vulnerability on the cross, unleashes a power… you can say a superpower…upon the earth that alone can transfigure the calloused, power-hungry heart into a humble, open, and free heart that can give of itself without counting the cost, just like this poor, holy widow.

          Today’s other widow, the widow of Zeraphath from First Kings, teaches us another important lesson about such faith and about such a God.  So extreme was her crisis that she resigned herself to death, but she learns, through Elijah’s encouragement, that when we give of the little that we have, God’s power is unleashed and the little that we have can be turned into an unlimited source of life.  This is a truth repeated throughout the Bible, from barren womb of Sarah, to this widow of Zarephath, to the blood and water that poured out of the side of the crucified Savior.  And this truth extends beyond the Bible to us as well when our simple, yet sincere, acts of faith break open the treasury of God’s blessings and we come to know that power is made perfect in weakness.

          This has always been the church’s gospel, her good news to proclaim and live.  But, I assert that it is more crucial now perhaps than ever before that we as church understand clearly and live selflessly this gospel mandate.  Many today have deep, legitimate concerns about both the state of our country and the state of our world.  Many feel anxious and wonder if we’re heading all-too close to an irreversible precipice.  Many are confounded by the abuse of power and the legitimization of hatred and violence that has crept into our society, often at the expense of the most vulnerable in our communities.  And many feel that the distortion of reality may make it nearly impossible to find common ground between contrasting ideologies and fear the place to which this may eventually lead.  If you are among those that feel these things, and I certainly do myself, allow me to offer three Christian responses that may be helpful in light of today’s readings:

1.                 Don’t allow the contrast between your worldview and an opposing worldview cause you to demonize or dehumanize the other no matter how demonic or dehumanizing their worldview may be.  An “us vs. them” mentality will only widen the chasm.

2.                 The process toward justice and peace is a long one full of setbacks and disappointments.  So, hold to the faith that God remains God even when the clouds set in.

3.                 Never tire of preaching the gospel of our crucified Savior.  When the demonic head of hate, division, and lies begins to rear its head, and it almost certainly will, counter it with the gospel of love, unity, and truth.  And don’t just preach it, live this gospel of love in the face of hate, unity in the face of division, and truth in the face of lies.  Absorb these demonic forces in the power that God provides, and put them to death by your refusal to retaliate or propagate them. 

Love covers a multitude of sins.  

          Our Christ was consumed with a vision.  He called it the Kingdom of God.  It was a vision of a time when the demonic forces of hatred, division, and lies would be cast out completely and peace would envelop all creation.  We’re not there yet!  So, let us be consumed with this same vision and put our faith into practice and through our love for one another…all another…and our radical fidelity to the truth, let us continue to fight the good fight, not with the weapons of aggression and force but with the power that comes from God, hearts that make peace because they are at peace and hands that bless even when being cursed.

Sunday, November 3, 2024

The Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost B - November 3, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Robert Leo Sevensky
The Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 26B, November 3, 2024

Click here for an audio of the sermon


Today's gospel passage should be familiar to almost everyone here this morning. The so-called Great Commandment discourse appears in all three synoptic gospels, though each within a slightly different context and each taking a slightly different direction or turn. And we hear them every year in our Sunday Eucharist readings.
Last year we heard Matthew's rendition with its wonderful conclusion instantly recognizable to any who attended or still attend traditional language Anglican worship: “...on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”  Next year we will hear Luke’s version. While different from Mark only in minor details, it concludes with the lawyer or scribe who posed the initial question about the greatest commandment asking Jesus a second follow-up question:  “And who is my neighbor?” And that, of course, leads into what is arguably Jesus’s most memorable parable, that of the Good Samaritan with its powerful concluding advice: “Go and do likewise.”
Mark's version that we hear this morning is probably the earliest and most concise of the three. And refreshingly, the lawyer or scribe is presented as a sincere seeker after truth rather than as an adversary setting Jesus up in some kind of test or trap. Maybe we can all take heart from this. Having said this, however, I find it difficult to know what more to say about this passage that has not already been said by me or by others. Is there anything new here? Anything revolutionary? Anything transformative?
This past week saw the conclusion of The Most Reverend Michael Curry’s nine-year term as Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. Bishop Michael, as he was known, was a gentle pastor and a captivating preacher. He preached here in this chapel in 2017. And a friend who heard him preach in Poughkeepsie said afterwards that it was like watching a whirling dervish in the high pulpit of Christ Church, so much so that he thought the bishop might just fly right out. I can believe that. I was present at the General Convention where he was elected Presiding Bishop and remember well the excitement and the hope that were palpable. I also attended his installation at the National Cathedral in Washington DC.  Again, it was a service of tremendous beauty, hope, and joy. Of course, Bp. Michael became an international celebrity for his sermon at the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. He was, it is safe to say, not your usual Anglican divine; he was an heir to a tradition of enslavement and exclusion and a deep Christian spirituality that found accent and voice in his sermons here and around the world. For me, however, his legacy is summed up not in a new teaching, but in the new expression of an old one, just as Jesus himself and other rabbis did in their day. And that is his teaching: “If it’s not about love, it’s not about God.”  This axiom or formula does not tell us what we should or should not do. But it does give us a guideline, a rule, a measure to assess ourselves, our own actions or inaction as well as the dramas of our own interior life, of our own hearts. It is, as it were, the standard, the Golden Rule, for personal, social, and political life. “If it’s not about love, it’s not about God.”
In his living this guidance and in his fearless and unembarrassed embrace of Jesus in a church that has sometimes been reluctant to claim and own the name of its Savior and Lord, and in his work around the Beloved Community as a vision toward the Kingdom of God, Bishop Michael changed the language and heart of the Episcopal Church as one friend put it. “If it’s not about love, it’s not about God.” 
But—and maybe you knew this was coming—a caveat. We need to be careful and deliberate about what we love and how we love. St. Augustine writing 1600 years ago says: “Everybody loves; the question is, what is the object of our love? In Scripture we are not urged to stop loving, but instead to choose what we love.”  Augustine is right: everybody loves. Each of us has some orienting desire which shapes our decisions, our days, our lives. For too many it is quite basic. It is the simple desire for safety, food, and housing. For many others it is the desire for power. For others financial or vocational success. Or for healthy relationships. Others perhaps hope for freedom from paralyzing fear or anxiety or depression or to be cured once and for all of one or another physical malady. Truthfully, I think many of us have several such loves, and they sometimes appear to conflict with each other. And if you are like me, you have at best only a vague awareness of what many of these are. As so the 1980 Country pop song got it right:  we are often looking for love in all the wrong places, and mostly because we don’t know what it is we are looking for.
What to do?
A quarter of a century ago, at a deeply complicated and low point in my life, I poured out my secret pain to a priest friend who is now a bishop in the Church of England. And in response he sent me one of the most helpful letters I have ever received. It consisted solely of  a long quote from the Anglican laywoman, spiritual director and writer, Evelyn Underhill (1875 -1941)  It is a prayer for wholeness :
“O Lord, penetrate those murky corners where we hide memories and tendencies on which we do not care to look, but which we will not disinter and yield freely up to you, that you may purify and transmute them: the persistent buried grudge, the half-acknowledged enmity which is still smouldering; the bitterness of that loss we have not turned into sacrifice; the private comfort we cling to; the secret fear of failure which saps our initiative and is really inverted pride; the pessimism which is an insult to your joy, Lord; we bring all these to you, and we review them with shame and penitence in your steadfast light.”
It is obviously a prayer of penitence. But it is more than that. It is a prayer for the purifying and clarification and reordering of our loves so that in the end, we might love aright, that we might love God instead of some false image that we think is God, that we might say confidently with Bp. Curry: “If it’s not about love it’s not about God” and have some degree of trust that we are not entirely deceiving ourselves. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
Today’s passage from Mark ends: “When Jesus saw that he (the scribe) answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.”  Dean Andrew McGowan of Yale Divinity School comments: “...the scribe, being in conversation with Jesus himself, is already next to the one whose presence embodies the reign of God. Of course others have also been that close, but have failed to see what was in front of them.”
May we be counted among those who are not far from the kingdom of God. Like the scribe, let us draw near to Jesus and find in him the full outpouring of God’s essential nature as Love itself…a love that clarifies, purifies, and reorders our own precious loves…and blesses them. May we discover that Love today in Scripture and Sacrament, in prayer and service and above all in each other. And in the mirror.
Amen.

Sunday, October 27, 2024

The Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost B - October 27, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, New York

Br. Robert James Magliula

The Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 25 B, October 27, 2024

Hebrews 7:23-28
Mark 10:46-52

No one chooses to be blind. Bartimaeus gives the obvious answer to Jesus’ question when he says: “My teacher, let me see again.” This Gospel holds a universal story that every one of us experiences even if our physical vision is 20/20, because it’s about more than physical seeing or blindness. I think perhaps the deeper question we need to ask ourselves is whether we really want to see.

Do we really want to see the reality of our lives, who we are and who we are not? Do we really want to see the needs of our neighbor or the marginalized? Do we really want to see the injustices around us? Do we really want to see who Jesus is and not just who we want him to be? True seeing is more than simply observing with our physical eyes. It implies relationship and a deeper knowing. Such seeing is not without risk. If we really want to see, then we must be willing to change and be changed. We must be willing to leave behind what is to receive what might be.

Sometimes that risk is too much so we turn a blind eye. This is not a physical but a spiritual condition. For most of us life is neither all seeing nor all blindness. It was that way for Bartimaeus too. Remember, Bartimaeus asks to “see again.” At the end of the story, we are told that he “regained his sight.” He had known darkness, and he had known light. He had vision, and he had been blind. Both are a reality for Bartimaeus and for us.

We can identify our own life when we see his life in three stages. First, Bartimaeus can see, then he is blind, sitting and begging on the roadside. Finally, he regains a new and different way of seeing. This is a pattern of spiritual growth we see throughout the Scriptures. Richard Rohr describes it as Order, Disorder, and Reorder. Every original Order includes an initially threatening Disorder, which morphs into and creates a new Reordering, and we begin all over again. Every one of us has lived this pattern. It’s the Paschal Mystery, a story of life, death, and resurrection. We grow spiritually by passing beyond some perfect Order, through an often painful and seemingly unnecessary Disorder, to an enlightened Reorder.

Jesus, by his life, death, and resurrection, offers us a clear vision of what true life looks like. To the extent we do not share that vision we are blind. As tragic as blindness is, the greater tragedy is when we cannot even recognize that we are blind. Bartimaeus knows he is going nowhere, and his life remains unchanged. Every day he holds out the cloak of his blindness and begs. Like him, we stumble our way through life believing that this is as good as it gets. We’re content to sit by the roadside and beg, letting life pass us by. We can feel stuck, more like a spectator than a participant. How and what we see determine the world we live in and the life we live. At some point all of us sit cloaked in darkness, unable to see.

The darkness fills and covers us. Maybe it’s about exhaustion or indifference. Sometimes it’s the darkness of grief and loss. Sin and guilt blind us to what our life could be. Other times we live in the darkness of fear, anger, or resentment. Doubt and despair can distort our vision. Failures and disappointments darken our world. Maybe the answers and beliefs that once lit our way no longer illuminate. There’s no clarity. We hide in the shadows neither wanting to see nor to be seen. Perhaps the deepest darkness is when we become lost to ourselves, not knowing who we are.

It doesn’t matter what caused Bartimaeus’ blindness. What matters is that he knew that he was blind. He held his blindness before Christ believing and hoping that there was more to who he was and what his life could be. It was out of that knowing, believing, and hoping that he cried out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” That’s the cry of one who abandons themselves to God. The one who cannot see cries out to be seen. It is that cry that stopped Jesus in his tracks.

“Call him here,” Jesus said. With that calling misery meets compassion. He stands before Jesus who asks him, “What do you want me to do for you?” That is the question for every one of us who have ever sat in darkness. It’s the question Jesus asks us over and over, again. “What do you want me to do for you?” This question offers a turning point, a new beginning. It asks us to look deep within our self, to face what is, and name what we want.

The thing about sitting in darkness is that at the time we can never see what’s coming. The most Bartimaeus could do was to be faithful in his darkness, to not run away from it, but to cry out in hope. And that’s true for us. We are no strangers to the feeling of being depleted with nothing in reserve, when life overwhelms, and we wonder how or if we’ll get by. It’s important for us to reflect on what we have done with that experience, or what that experience has done with us. Those times are a necessary part of our spiritual journey. They are the ways in which we mature and come to ourselves. They are our gateway to fullness of life. I am not suggesting that God causes those times, but that God does not waste them, that God wastes nothing of our lives – not our blindness, not our sitting by the roadside, not our begging, and neither should we.

In Mark’s Gospel the Bartimaeus story immediately precedes the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem. It concludes with this: “Immediately he regained his sight and followed him on the way” (Mark 10:52). Theologically, Mark is telling us that if we are to follow Jesus on the Way, we all will need new sight, new vision, to see, understand, and follow. What do you want Jesus to do for you today? What is the thing you need today that will open your eyes to see yourself, others, and all of creation as beautiful and holy? What is the thing you need today that will allow you to throw off the cloak of blindness and take you from sitting and begging by the roadside to following Jesus on the Way? +Amen.

Sunday, October 20, 2024

The Twenty-second Sunday after Pentecost B - October 20, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Bernard Delcourt
The Twenty-second Sunday after Pentecost, October 20, 2024

 Click here for an audio of the sermon

In the name of God, the Creator, the Liberator and the Comforter.

In the gospel according to Mark, we find a three-part cycle repeated three times. 

Three times, Jesus predicts his rejection and his resurrection (8:31; 9:31; 10:33-34). The third time is in the two verses just before today’s gospel passage.

Three times, the Twelve promptly misunderstand or reject Jesus’ self-understanding (8:32-33; 9:32-34; 10:41). In today’s passage, James and John, the sons of Zebedee whom Jesus affectionately nicknamed Boanerges, the sons of thunder, ignore Jesus’ prophecy and proceed to try to get a heavenly kingdom promotion. Talk about narcissism and insensitivity! And that comes from two of Jesus’ closest friends.

Three times, Jesus immediately corrects these mistakes with teaching about genuine discipleship (8:34-9:1; 9:35-40; 10:42-45). In today’s gospel, Jesus insists on the vocation of servant leadership amongst his followers.

The cycle of prophecy, misunderstanding and teaching is repeated three times through the gospel. Mark wants us to know what kind of Messiah Jesus is and to know what following Jesus requires. Humility and serving our neighbors are a good start.

James and John, together with Peter, were Jesus’ closest disciples. Lots of gospel scenes are between the four of them. Did James and John think it earned them special status in the kingdom of heaven?

The Boanerges are falling prey to very human biases here. 

James and John have compared themselves to their fellow disciples and decided that they are above them. They want rank and honor when Jesus will come into his glory. Their focus on self-promotion enables them to conveniently bypass and deny Jesus’ prediction of his passion.

And Jesus alludes to the disciples future suffering by referring to their drinking his cup and undergoing his baptism. He is not directly referring to the future sacraments of the Christian church here. But still that resonance works on us too. He is referring to withstanding resistance, confrontation and aggression unto death from their current domination systems: the Roman empire and the Temple religion.

As a matter of fact, the other disciples instead of reacting to Jesus’ prediction of his suffering and resurrection, react forcefully to James and John’s upmanship. They too, want privilege, or at least to rank ahead of someone else.

Now, do we sometimes compare ourselves with others and decide that we are ahead of them in whatever ranking matters to us? Am I more beautiful, rich, intelligent, able or spiritually developed than those ones over there? Am I not more worthy than those I have made “other” so I may ignore or offend them?

It might be subtle and implicit in our words and actions, but it happens to most of us.

Come to think of it, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, not to mention Moses, might have a claim to sitting on both sides of Jesus in his glory.

As it is, the gospel of Mark will mirror the Boanerges’ request in the account of the crucifixion. Verse 27 of the penultimate chapter of the gospel reads:

“And with him they crucified two bandits, one on his right and one on his left.”

I have a suspicion that no one has precedence over anyone else in the Kingdom of heaven. And that comes to light in Jesus’ patient teaching to the disciples today.

He teaches them for the third time about the importance of humility and service in the life of his followers. He teaches them about servant leadership. And to do that, he contrasts who they need to be to who the Roman overlords are in their domination system.

He is basically disavowing any domination system. He never exercises power over anyone, and he urges the disciples to do as he does. If you must use power, make it power with others, not over others.

Even today, it is important for Christians to identify current domination systems. And once we know the power system we are dealing with, we are to be wary of aspiring to a prominent or convenient place in it. 

How do we serve our brothers and sisters rather than participate in their oppression? Is there anything I want to withhold from others that I do not want withheld from me? Who do I consider OK to dominate and in what way?

Jesus wants us to be slave to all. We are not to be enslaved to any single master, whether it be money, fame or power. We are to seek for all others to rise to the glory of the kingdom of God together with us; no one ahead of the other. And we do it best by lovingly serving them.

Jesus knows this is not always easy and that it is sometimes painful but that need not stop us from perseveringly attempting it. But he nonetheless wants us to offer “agape,” the highest form of love, of charity. He wants us to embody sacrificial love that is unconditional, selfless and persists regardless of circumstances. Whether it be convenient or not.

We may close today’s eucharist with the following dismissal: “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.” The Lord is present to you in every other being on your way. No one is to be beyond the reach of your love. The journey to loving as Christ is loving is ahead of us.

“Buen camino,” as they say on the way to St James’ shrine in Compostela.

Amen.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

The Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost B - October 13, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Randy Greve
The Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 23 B, October 13, 2024



“Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, “You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions.”
Christ has come to inaugurate the way of life, which he calls the kingdom of God or the kingdom of heaven. He inaugurates through power.  His power is the power of love. He expresses love in the way he invites and liberates; in his surrendering and suffering love.  He does not inaugurate by domination and never uses power over to impose, coerce, or control.  The way of life comes in freedom, or it does not come at all.  His freedom in inviting meets our freedom in responding. Each of us chooses to enter or we do not enter at all.  He calls forth the desire in every human heart for meaning, hope, community, purpose, and promise and reveals that this very desire has its source and end in God.  Being created by God and for God, we discover our true identity, our true home in responding to the invitation to follow the way of life and receive the gift of life, real life.  We bear the divine image and no substitute identity will ever satisfy.  Jesus appeals to our goodness, enlivens our longings, and illuminates the obstacles within and around us on the path to life. The gates are always open to any who will hear the call to repent, be liberated, be unburdened from the weight of attachment to the transitory and the temporal, and come. 
 Christ welcomes so-called “sinners” into the way of life.  In the gospels, they almost always know their need, seek him out.  Many in the out groups seek out Jesus, touch him, call to him, cry to him, interrupt him, get in his way as they discover in him the power to restore their dignity and their hope.  He relieves their pain, reconciles them from their status as outcasts, as unclean and sends them joyfully back into community and connection. For those of us who in some way or at some time have been outsiders or the victims of prejudice and judgment and met by a Christ who loved and accepted us, we know that the power that brought life to the lepers and demon possessed, the prostitutes and tax collectors, can and does bring power today in the hearts of so many who experience harm.
The gospels also include another kind of conversion story.  The so-called “insiders” are invited into the way of life as well.  In the religious culture of Jesus’ day, the religious elites, the rich, those with positions of power thought of themselves and were believed to be blessed by God - they had arrived into the realm of the “converted” because they were not “sinners” or “unclean”.  These are often, but not always, those who are scandalized, confused, or, because he represents a threat, oppose Jesus.  For Jesus, “no” is an answer. Today’s gospel is a story from this second group.  This man sees the world through the lens of his status and wealth. Eternal life is a possession like all my other possessions and I can obtain it like I have obtained all my other possessions - by some act, or price, some access to improving my insider status.  He is not in need of the same kind of compassionate, healing touch that the leper or demon-possessed need. His pain is more in his heart than on his skin.  His isolation is more spiritual than social.  His sense of emptiness hidden and buried under the illusions that his possessions can satisfy.  Yet, even if the awareness is only a glimmer, the ache of dissatisfaction only a faint echo that appears in the silence of the night, he still desires real life.  The desire is inescapable, relentless, haunting the edges of his storehouses and treasure chests, refusing to leave him alone.  He is in need. He has money. He will satisfy his need like he has satisfied every other need. Jesus surprises him. Jesus’ response is about to send him away in shock and grief.  
Entrance to life costs.  The kingdom exacts a price.  In our myriad delusions about our identities and our own programs for individual happiness, we keep ourselves outside, resist life.  We may believe we desire life, but not act in ways that lead to life.  Jesus presents no utopian vision of instant bliss. The way to the kingdom is a narrow, difficult, and winding way.  We may seek to avoid the difficulty and search for an easy road, for cheap grace. We may desire entry through power or status, money or education.  We may rely on seeking moral goodness or conformity to social norms of purity for special access.  These are dead ends that seduce us into believing we have capacities we do not actually have, means to negotiate what we want at a sale price.  But Christ in his grace brokers no shortcuts, no exceptions, no earning or deserving our way in by what we have or do.  The way to life is not a philosophy, an ethic, or the accumulation of good deeds. It is surrender, emptying, death and resurrection. Whatever I bring with me to the entrance to life to get me in are the very things I must leave in order to be made ready for entrance.  Entry is a continual process.  I am always only beginning to enter the kingdom - never arriving, never possessing its fullness in this age.  Therefore the way to life is a scandal, a crisis, and a gift. The crisis is to surrender whatever appears as essential to meaning in order to receive the true gift which is the actual fulfillment of meaning.  We are all too eager to fixate on the instant, the easy. Jesus warns that these are illusions which in fact are obstacles to the most valuable way of being, obstacles to real life.
As modern listeners the temptation is often to hear the text in order to get an answer or to follow an instruction - bridge the meaning into our world by reducing the story into mere moralisms, yet more performing and achieving and being good. Such a response misses the deeper truth.  Life is discovered not in having, but in belonging. And we cannot be attached to anything and receive the gift of belonging at the same time.  Jesus says, “It is you I want for myself, not anything you may accomplish. I will not rest until all of you is enlivened by love and grace and you abide in the fullness of your glory as beloved sons and daughters made in God’s image.” We enter life by allowing the burning away of all that cannot enter, until we walk through with empty hands, claiming no rights, hiding nothing.  It is precisely by owning up to and inhabiting our void that we are offering ourselves up to God’s mercy. The invitation to this man and to us is what Eugene Peterson calls a centered, submissive way of life.  He writes,
“Americans in general have little tolerance for a centering way of life that is submissive to the conditions in which growth takes place: quiet, obscure, patient, not subject to human control and management. The church is uneasy in these conditions. Typically it adapts itself to the prevailing American culture and is soon indistinguishable from that culture: talkative, noisy, busy, controlling, image-conscious.” 
So this other kind of conversion, the conversion of those of us who enjoy some level of possession and status and goodness, is to be utterly stripped, dispossessed, emptied, made void, plunged into the terrifying emptiness, consumed by God’s love, offered up to God’s mercy, and then given away. Self-sufficiency, the impulse to dominate, hoard, defend, control all die on the cross with Christ.  Then the seeds of life - searching for good, receptive soil in which to root - will appear green and full. We will become generous, free, receptive people so that we might enjoy the riches of God’s goodness in God’s good world more abundantly.  Then we will receive good things as gifts to be shared. 
“Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the good news, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age…and in the age to come eternal life.” Amen.




Sunday, September 22, 2024

The Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost B - September 22, 2024

 Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Francis Beckham
The Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost, Proper 20, September 22, 2024
 

 Click here for an audio of the sermon

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O God, my sustainer and my comforter. Amen.

Late in the summer of 2021, as I was preparing to leave Pittsburgh to enter the Order of the Holy Cross, an unexpected series of events began to happen. Seemingly at every turn during those final weeks in the Steel City, I was confronted with reminders of experiences I’d had during the six-year stint I was wrapping up there – not only reminders of actual events and interactions that had taken place, but also of feelings, emotions, and even ideas I’d had there.

 I suppose it’s not strange to reflect on a chapter of one’s life as it’s in the process of closing, but this seemed a little different. It was almost as if my residency in Pittsburgh had had a life of its own this whole time, and now it was going for one final hang-out session with me, wanting to reminisce about all the good – and ‘other’ – times we’d shared. I had the distinct feeling of being “seen off” by an unseen companion.

Now, what was especially interesting about this little walk down (or, ‘dahn’, as they say in Pittsburgh) Memory Lane, was that most of the memories were drawn from the hundreds of actual walks I’d taken through the surrounding neighborhoods during those years. There was, for example, the time I’d been strolling along Liberty Avenue in Bloomfield and, for some reason, happened to glance up into a brightly lit window of a big new apartment building. It was evening and, through this particular window, I could see maybe five or six young professional types, holding wine glasses and laughing. They were engrossed in their own merry little world, the kind that probably involved group artisanal cider tastings and weeknight visits to the rock-climbing gym. Meanwhile, I was standing out on the street, caught up in my own little world, one in which I could only wonder at what it would feel like even to know four other people to invite over for drinks and dinner.

I was projecting, of course. I didn’t actually know anything about the people in the window, and I had no idea what their lives were like. Maybe they couldn’t stand the taste of cider. Maybe some of them couldn’t stand each other. It’s possible they preferred jogging along the Allegheny River trails or down in Panther Hollow over working out in a gym. I wasn’t resentful or jealous of them. I was just aware of how seemingly different our lives were. But something in that scene stirred up a complicated concoction of emotions, regrets, doubts, and weird memories deep within me. I didn’t understand why, and I didn’t take the time right then and there to try to figure it out. I just turned and kept walking toward the old, beige brick building where my quiet, sensibly priced apartment sat waiting for me.

This experience, along with so many like it during that ‘winding-down’ time, gradually made me aware of something: Now in my early 40s, I hadn’t achieved most of the culturally prescribed standards of materialism and success – an overpriced residence at a trendy address; dental veneers; a partner and kids of my own who were perfectly quaffed and Instagram-ready at all times – and I was never going to. The reason? Despite how much I knew I was supposed to want all those things, I simply didn’t want them. And, apparently I never really had, or, at least, I hadn’t wanted them badly enough. I lacked sufficient ambition for them.

“Good,” I thought to myself while reflecting on these memories later. “Choosing not to pour my energy into getting things I don’t want is a sign of moral strength. Stoicism, even. I’m glad I was content not to be like those people in the window.” If this sounds like sour grapes, I assure you it’s actually much worse. It’s competition by comparison. In my head, I was competing with people who had never wronged me in any way just to assuage doubts I had about my own life choices. In this limited mindset, shaped by the world’s ‘wisdom’ rather than God’s, either they or I could be right, but we couldn’t all be.

Eventually I would come to understand that my judgmental attitude in this and other situations flows from the insecurities and hurts that reside in the shadowy corners of my ego’s cellar. The real damage isn’t so much that I had compared myself to others, but that I had assigned worth to them as human beings based solely on how their external circumstances – either real or perceived through clouded lenses – stacked up against mine. This is a long way from practicing the virtues of humbleness, service, and welcome we hear about in today’s readings.

In the Letter of James, we’re encouraged to live fully out of our authenticity, performing good works with “gentleness born of wisdom.” The worldly values of ambition and competitiveness, the writer of James warns us, will only ever serve us “disorder and wickedness.” I’m sure we can all think of times when we’ve recognized this tendency, along with its effects, in ourselves and others.

Living in a way that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy” may seem like a mighty tall order, but the author of  James offers us an important insight that can help. Indeed, it’s absolutely critical: We must first get to know ourselves, and know ourselves well. “Those conflicts and disputes among you,” James asks, “where do they come from? Do they not come from your cravings that are at war within you?” Yes, James, they do.

They are the things that stir within us when we’re peering through apartment windows, observing the lives of others. And even though we can usually ‘walk them off’ pretty easily in the moment, they don’t leave; they only sink back beneath the surface again. If we want to keep them from returning, or at least stop them from driving our life choices, we have to identify them, name them, and address them. This is not easy work, but it is necessary if we want to live the kinds of lives of service and peacemaking described in James, or to use our gifts in being a generous and uplifting presence to others like the Wisdom Wife in our reading from Proverbs.

But here’s the thing. There’s more to all this than simply wanting to be nice people who go around doing nice things (and maybe being noticed for them, just a tiny bit). Our motive, first and foremost, must be a genuine desire to share in the Love that is born of God. Otherwise, we’re still being driven by ambition to compete against others to see who’s the best at being nice. Jesus recognizes this in his own disciples in our reading from Mark this morning, so none of us should think we’re immune from falling into this trap ourselves.

As they walk along the road to Capernaum, Jesus is aware they are competing with one another for status, even though he’s just finished teaching them about the need for total self-emptying, even if it ends up getting you killed. Like most of us when we know we’re resisting grace, they feel a sense of shame. They have nothing to say for themselves when Jesus asks what they were arguing about. It must be frustrating for him, but he bears their stubbornness with patience because he understands human nature from his own, personal experience. Plus, this is exactly why he’s with them, to show them how to love, no matter what it takes. So, he sits down, calls them to himself, and helps them understand that they must focus on being welcoming to each other – as welcoming as one would be to a child, in fact.

But why welcoming? Consider for a moment what happens when we commit ourselves to making someone feel truly welcome. We want them to be at ease, to feel accepted, safe, and cared-for. So, at least in that moment, we place them ahead of us. We’re not thinking about ourselves, we’re wholly concerned with their needs. And this, in turn, leads to gratitude on the other person’s part, creating a channel for love to flow between us. To put it simply, we can’t compete when we’re creating welcome, because (whether we’re consciously aware of it or not) it’s the presence of God within of us recognizing the exact same presence of God present within the other. We don’t even want to compete. We simply love.

As has been the case for so many people over the past one-hundred twenty-two years, it was a desire for this welcoming love that brought me to the monastery. Indeed, this fundamental need for belonging, free from having to compete to be valued, has drawn untold millions to religious communities for thousands of years. The founder of Western Christian monasticism and author of our own Rule of Life, Saint Benedict of Nursia, makes it clear that “All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ.” He continues, saying, “Once a guest has been announced, the superior and the [monks or nuns] are to meet [them] with all the courtesy of love.” (RB 53).

Beyond this, we as monastics are called to model the radical Way of Love and welcome that Jesus extended to all who desired and needed it, not only in welcoming guests, but in the very living of our lives together, in community, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives. Again, Saint Benedict tells us, “This, then, is the good zeal which monks [and nuns] must foster with fervent love: They should each try to be the first to show respect to the other, supporting with the greatest patience one another’s weaknesses of body or behavior … Let them prefer nothing whatever to Christ, and may he bring us all together to everlasting life” (RB 72).

The ability to live out this vision of radical hospitality, acceptance, and valuing of human dignity is available to everyone. Monks and nuns may have a particular responsibility to model it, but literally anyone can – and, I dare say, should – do it. We can all welcome others as we would welcome Jesus in the person of a small child (or of a coworker, spouse, bus driver, homeless person, cashier, barista, addict, you name it), and in doing so help to reverse the human value systems around us that are built on competition and comparison. After all, it is the love of the same God which dwells within each and every person.

May peace and all that is good be with us, and all whom we love, today and always. Amen.

 


Sunday, September 15, 2024

The Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost B - September 16, 2024

Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY

Br. Aidan Owen

Proper 19 B - Sunday, September 15, 2024 


Before I came to the Monastery I used to go to an Al-Anon meeting on Friday evenings. It was quite an eclectic group of people, the kind you can get in a 12-step meeting in New York City, and I loved it. At the end of the meeting, we’d all gather in a circle in this cramped church basement room, hold hands, and say the serenity prayer. Then we’d boisterously shout “keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it—you’re worth it!” The last cheer is meant to end the meeting on a high note, an energetic encouragement against despair and a reminder that the program is the solution.

But there was one old-timer who didn’t like this tradition. After the serenity prayer, still holding our hands, she would chant along, “keep coming back.” Then she would say, “it works fine,” and rather forcefully drop the hands of those on either side of her. Curious, I asked her why she ended the meeting that way. She said, “we all work hard enough.”

As I prayed throughout the week with this Sunday’s gospel reading, that woman kept coming into my prayer. “It works fine,” she kept telling me, as she dropped my hand. “What works fine?” I pleaded in my prayer. What does that even mean?

We all know this story very well. It appears in all three synoptic gospels. With a few variations it follows the same pattern. Jesus asks the disciples who people say that he is, and they tell him one of the prophets. Then he asks who they say that he is. Peter confesses that Jesus is the Messiah. Then Jesus goes on to tell them what being the Messiah actually means: he will be betrayed, tortured, and killed, and on the third day he will rise again. In all three accounts Peter rebukes Jesus and is then rebuked in turn.

There are, of course, so many layers to this story. We must all ask ourselves throughout our lives, who Jesus is for us. If we’re really wacky and creative, we might turn the question back on Jesus and ask him, “who do you say that I am?” We might meditate on what it means to take up our cross and follow. But the simplest layer of the story may be its most profound.

We watch Peter, in real time, face into the fracturing of his illusions, and in that witnessing we are invited to do the same. Peter is perhaps the best example of this process in the scriptures. He follows Jesus zealously from the beginning. In the synoptic gospels he is the first to call Jesus the Messiah (Thomas gets that honor in John). The text makes clear that Peter has a definite idea of what being the Messiah is all about—an idea that certainly does not look like betrayal, torture, and death, even if that passion leads to resurrection. Even as Jesus rebukes and corrects Peter, Peter will have to deny and betray Jesus himself, to watch his friend and teacher die on a cross, and to see him raised to life again before he can finally relinquish his fixed ideas of who God is to and for him and the world.

Like Peter, we are all invited, throughout our lives, to a process of disillusionment. We live, most of us, with fixed ideas of who God is and how God works. We are blinded by our obsessions and illusions, many of which appear to us as good and holy.

I once had a spiritual director who pointed out that we are afraid to pray dangerously. To pray dangerously, he said, was to pray for God to rid us of our obsessions and illusions. Most of us stick with very nice prayers—prayers for people’s health and wellbeing that are, in themselves good prayers, but that fall far short of praying for our own transformation in whatever ways God wants us to be transformed.

One of the great gifts of monastic life is the opportunity to be freed from the tyranny of desire. Most of the time we talk about desire as a positive force in the spiritual life, and our heart’s deepest desire for wholeness in God is a very good thing indeed. But we are all plagued with much smaller and pettier desires—wants, if you will. We want to feel comfortable. We want things to stay the way they’ve always been. We want to be certain about who we are, who God is, how the world functions. We want, we want, we want—and we allow all these little wants to guide how and who we are in and for the world. And so we make our decisions and evaluations based, not on a discernment of God’s will for us, but on what we want in any given situation. In other words, like Peter, we set our mind on human things.

Monastic life will teach you that you can get on perfectly well without having things the way you want them. Indeed, any mature Christian life will be dictated by higher ideals than what we want in any particular moment. That isn’t to say that our wants and desires are bad. Unless we allow them to dictate our lives they are rather neutral. I would love for God to be the kind of God who gave me everything I want, but that isn’t reality. Fortunately, reality is so much richer than what we want. Fortunately, God promises us transformation, freedom, wholeness, and the life that really is life—whether we want that or not.

In his book My Bright Abyss, the poet Christian Wiman warns that “What you must realize, what you must even come to praise, is the fact that there is no right way that is going to become apparent to you once and for all. The most blinding illumination that strikes and perhaps radically changes your life will become so attenuated and obscured by doubts and dailiness that you may one day come to suspect the truth of that moment at all. The calling that seemed so clear will be lost in echoes of questionings and indecision; the church that seemed to save you will fester with egos, complacencies, banalities; the deepest love of your life will work itself like a thorn in your heart until all you can think of is plucking it out. Wisdom is accepting the truth of this. Courage is persisting with life in spite of it. And faith is finding yourself, in the deepest part of your soul, in the very heart of who you are, moved to praise it.” (29-30)

I think this is the deeper meaning that that old-timer was trying to convey in her cranky way. The spiritual life works fine. Our images of God, our methods of prayer, our beliefs and practices, and our wants and desires—they’re all just fine, but they’re also all a beginning, not an end. Peter had to undergo a painful process of disillusionment in order fully to give himself to God for whatever God willed. I’m sorry to say that the process is no less painful and no shorter for the rest of us. In order to become the mature, surrendering, loving people that God wills us to be, we must let go of anything at all that is not God.

There will be grief in this process. Hopefully there will also be moments of laughter, when we can see the absurdity of our self-will. It may, at times, feel like we have loaded our backpack with stones. We will certainly hear the groan of the cross as we drag it along. But if we persevere, we will find ourselves living a life freer than we could ever have imagined possible. We will find ourselves filled with the life that really is life, the life of Christ welling up within us. So keep coming back. It works fine!