Holy Cross Monastery, West Park, NY
Br. Josép Martinez-Cubero, OHC
Proper 7 B - Sunday, May 16, 2021
A few years ago, while on one of my trips to Florida to visit my mother, I read a little book by Frederick Buechner called Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC. It was a fun, fast read, and in it, the author offers the following advice: "Don't start looking in the Bible for the answers it gives. Start by listening for the questions it asks." Years before that, a very wise Jewish friend of mine had advised me to never shy away from the parts of Scripture that make me go “what the heck?” That’s where we want to start. That’s how we develop a grounded, engaged, and dynamic faith, by wrestling with the questions when they stir up deep emotion. Well, there are four big and important questions in this very short but intense Gospel passage from Mark that stir up quite a bit of emotion for me, and one of those questions in particular makes me go: what the heck?
After he wakes up, rebukes the wind, and stills the sea, in the calm after the storm, Jesus asks his (very) bewildered disciples. "Why are you afraid?" I always try to think of myself in these scripture stories. It’s an old theatre technique. If I were in this situation, what would I be experiencing and how would I be responding? I would have to honestly say that, if I were in this particular situation described in this morning’s Gospel reading, I’d be terrified. And then, I’d be more than a little annoyed by Jesus’ question. "Why are you afraid?" Really, Jesus? Are you kidding? Could it be because well, we are out in the middle of this lake, there is no land in sight, it’s super dark, our boat (which could not have been all that big) is being swamped by a storm, and we’re not you, so we can’t say to the wind and rain: “Peace! Be still!” and make it all stop just like that, and you were sleeping, and we were about to be capsized. So yeah, Jesus, that’s why we are afraid!
I grew up on a small island and you learn to have great respect for, and be in awe of water. Something so necessary for life can also threaten life. A hurricane sweeping an island (or anywhere) can destroy and kill. When you go out surfing you have to be respectful of those waves and pay attention. One little misjudgment and a wave can take you down so deep and furiously you can drown. I have also lived in several apartments that have flooded because of broken pipes and damaged many of my belongings. And how about the many migrants all over the world on a daily basis who risk their lives on overcrowded boats fleeing the poverty, violence and persecution in their own countries and end up drowning at sea.
And then there is the "drowning" we humans can experience when we find ourselves overwhelmed and overpowered Why are we afraid in the midst of earthquakes, droughts, fires, mass shootings, terrorist attacks, deranged political leaders (or religious leaders!), pandemics? Why are we afraid when we face financial uncertainty in a capitalist society, someone’s depression, the threat of a broken relationship? The answer is because we are human! Fear is a reasonable response to a frightening world. God created us with the capacity to feel fear to alert us to take reasonable measures to protect ourselves.
Why am I afraid? I confessed to my Spiritual Director recently that I struggle with the whole idea of death, mine or anyone's. And I fail to understand why it must so often involve so much pain and suffering. And yes, I embrace all of it, eternal life, joining the company of saints and the heavenly chorus and seeing God and singing the endless alleluias. But however lovely that will be, I don’t know what it will look like, and know it will be different to what I now have. And as wretched as this world can be, it is also a wonderful world and I love it and my life and I’m grateful for all the blessings I experience daily. Why am I afraid? I wish I could say otherwise, but the question baffles. The best that I can do right now is to hope that Jesus is asking it in love, and to trust that with it, he is offering me an invitation to be honest with God and with myself.
"Do you still have no faith," asks Jesus. It is clear in this story that, the disciples are as much in the intimate company of Jesus in the raging waters as they are in the calm that follows. And let’s face it, to be in the intimate company of Jesus always means a journey “across to the other side.” And that journey is bound to meet many storms along the way- the storms within us that can blow us off course and threaten to drown us. Faith does not change the circumstances of our life. Faith changes us. “Peace! Be still!” Jesus speaks to the raging storms within us. Faith does not take us around the storm but through it. Jesus, after all, never promises an easy life but asks us to take up our cross and follow him. And following Jesus does not remove our temptations or conflicts or perils or doubts. Jesus never promised that. But he promised to be with us to the end of the ages.
So, that takes us back to Jesus’ first question: “Why are you afraid?” The problem, I think, is not the fear, but what we do with the fear. The problem is that when I’m fearful, I tend to forget that Jesus is on the boat. My ego tells me I must save the boat all by myself. And when it’s clear that I cannot do it on my own, what happens? Oh, I hate to admit it, but I accuse Jesus: “Don’t you care?”
“Who is this?”, ask the disciples. He is the one who, even when we are not able to perceive it, is always on the boats of our lives, through the most vulnerable circumstances when we are surrounded by swelling and terrifying waters. He is with us, being tossed as we are tossed and being soaked as we are soaked. He is with us to the end of the ages. ¡Así es, en el nombre del Padre, del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo!
Amen.
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