Almost two
decades ago, I did a presentation to a group of people who came to our
monastery in Grahamstown, South Africa for a week-long immersion into the
Benedictine world. My subject was the mutual influences of monastic music and monastic
spirituality upon each other. In discussing Gregorian chant, I tried not to get
too technical but focused on the searching, dynamic, even restless quality of
the melodic lines. They were always seeming to probe something more than
themselves, trying to get at something intangible, ineffable, reflecting often
the architecture of monasteries in the Middle Ages.
I then
decided to take the idea a step further. I tried to trace the influences of
chant forward into musical history all the way to jazz. I finally ended up
discussing John Coltrane. He made his greatest and most adventurous recordings
in the 50s and early 60s and died too soon after them.
"My Favorite Things" 1961 |
The recording I played
was his famous interpretation of "My Favorite Things". The saxophonist
was certainly influenced by the technical elements of chant using the church
modes, which were the musical scales, the building blocks of chant.
But even
more so, I wanted to emphasize Coltrane's same restlessness. In many ways, he
is not easy to listen to. To me, his playing sounds like he is never satisfied,
has never found home, always trying to probe, penetrate through to something
beyond him. And he had much musical talent and genius with which to do this.
Often he played the same melodic patterns again and again, slightly modifying
them, sharping and flatting notes here and there, changing rhythms, beginning
the pattern on a different beat or offbeat. His playing was as unnerving and
mysterious as prayer. At the same time, in that discomfort and mystery, I have
always heard a great humility. His prayer was never settled and never finished.
When I
presented this idea to the group, I went as far as to say that because of these
reasons he displayed the values and passion of a monk.
Then one
time, I read a poignant portrait of Coltrane written by Tom Dowd, the recording
engineer for the Atlantic Record sessions. Dowd's description of Coltrane's
routine before recording sessions brings me right back to my original
conviction of which I won't hesitate to express again. He writes:
"...He
would stand in a corner, face the wall, play, stop, change reeds and start
again. After a while he would settle on a mouthpiece and reed that felt most
comfortable to him, and then he would start to work on the 'runs' that he
wanted to use during the session. I would watch him play the same passage over
and over again, changing his breathing, his fingering, and experimenting with
the most minute changes in his phrasing. Once in a while he would go back to
the mouthpiece he had abandoned earlier. He never lost control: every step had
a reason and almost everything he played was acceptable to everyone but him.
Until he felt comfortable that he had exhausted all of the possibilities, he
would continue to play the various permutations.
As the rest
of the band members started to arrive, he would nod a greeting but never stop
playing. He was deep into another world. He set the atmosphere for the sessions
... "
What I hear
in his playing combined with the passage above speaks volumes to me about faith
itself. He is the living example of St. Augustine's statement: Our heart is
restless until it rests in you. Coltrane's heart was restless and because of
that, he was one of the most creative musicians of the 20th Century. I believe
faith is the one thing that keeps us from settling for anything less than
resting in God. Monastic life is
sometimes a restless life for me, one of constant searching and when I feel
that I have found what I am looking for, then, I know I am exactly at the point
where I need to start all over again.
The great
Trappist monk, Thomas Merton writes about contemplatives in this unsettling
way, “The contemplative is one who would rather not know than know. He [she]
accepts the love of God on faith, in defiance of all apparent evidence.”
I can now look to Coltrane's example for a source of courage and strength to travel that "dark and unknown path" of not knowing and to keep searching even when I know I will not find what I seek. Writing poetry for me is a contemplative act. In some ways, I am writing the same poem until I get it right and at the same time hoping I never do. Below is my "permutation" of that life-long poem that is never finished inspired by Dowd's tribute above.
I can now look to Coltrane's example for a source of courage and strength to travel that "dark and unknown path" of not knowing and to keep searching even when I know I will not find what I seek. Writing poetry for me is a contemplative act. In some ways, I am writing the same poem until I get it right and at the same time hoping I never do. Below is my "permutation" of that life-long poem that is never finished inspired by Dowd's tribute above.
Playing to the Wall
He comes
an hour
early,
faces the
wall and blows a column of air
through
furious fingers
and snapping
keys.
Others
arrive
and he
acknowledges them
with a nod,
not breaking
his endless
patterns.
He clamps
down on that reed
tries to
bore
inside
concrete,
see its own
patterns and play them.
But notes
bounce hard
against
glass and acoustic panels.
If he finds
the scale,
the harmony
that
shatters the glass
he will have
nothing else
to play.
He will have
to wrench
the sax from
his mouth
and lay it
down forever.
So he
continues
to pelt the
wall.
It caves
just enough
to give room
to breathe
into another
voice.